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Jeffrey Foster Slattery, our beloved son, b/d October 21, 1996



 
Jeffrey's nurse took the photograph for "first foto." Published with permssion.
 
What Happened to the Baby?
 
        Jeffrey Foster Slattery, our baby son, had anencephaly, a fatal condition in which the brain fails to develop. He was delivered by cesarean Monday, October 21st, at 25 weeks (an age at which healthy babies have a good chance of survival). Because of previous surgery, this pregnancy was risky for Jeffrey's mom. The risk of carrying him to term would have been well worth facing if our baby had had any chance of survival, or even if he might have had a short but conscious life. But Jeffrey had no concept of the passage of time. He had no mental functions except those which control basic reflexes. Birth at any stage and by any method would have resulted shortly in his death; indeed he might well have died before birth. We dealt the very best way we could with a situation that allowed for no comfortable solutions. As it was, we bore the risks of carrying him to an age at which he would have been "viable," just so we could kiss him good-bye.
 
        Jeffrey was born at 8:22 AM, and died at 8:37 AM the same day. Those precious 15 minutes were worth all the pain and grief associated with his condition (anencephaly) and his death. Despite his anomaly, he was a beautiful baby. His skin was indescribably soft. He weighed just over one pound, and was 11" long (just right for the doll's Christening outfit we bought for him). My sister Noelie, his god-mother, baptized him shortly after his death. Our nurse Peggy took photographs, hand-prints, and foot-prints.
 
        A couple of hours later, Jeffrey's heart and tissue samples were donated for medical research (they were not suitable for transplant). On October 26th, he was buried at Fairfax Memorial Park.
 
        In this time of deep sadness and wonder, the outpouring of support from family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers, has amazed us. As always, the support of the Sacred Harp Community has been particularly moving. The memorial service for Jeffrey was held in a private home; space was very limited. Several songs from the Sacred Harp were included in the service. We would appreciate your remembering our son and asking prayers for us at your own place of worship. Your desire to comfort us is in itself a comfort. We know there is nothing you can say that will make this "okay." Sometimes acknowledging that fact is the most helpful thing you
can say.
 
        We will always miss Jeffrey, but our love is greater than our grief.
 
                Tim Slattery and Miriam Kilmer, Jeffrey's Parents.
 
Jeffrey in his Baptismal Gown
Jeffrey's hands
Jeffrey's handprints
Garden of the Angels, Jeffrey's final resting place
Angel statue watching over the infant graves
Jeffrey's Memorial Service leaflet cover
"Family" image

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